A very serious blemish is hindering my celebration.
California passed Proposition 8 banning gay marriage. There are conflicting ideas as to what happens now- whether those who are married will be able to stay married, whether it will go to the Supreme Court etc.
Here is a list of things I feel like telling those who voted yes on Prop 8
1. The Constitution is not designed to regulate marriage. It is designed to protect our rights and maintain order in interpersonal matters where people's safety or rights may be at stake. Who's safety or rights are at stake if you don't ban marriage?
2. The idea that the Bible bans gays being married is a load of BS. First, I am a Christian, and don't try to tell me what Christian beliefs are. I have attended Sunday School more often than most people twice my age (I've got the perfect attendance prizes to prove it) and can quote the Bible perfectly clearly. Let's look at the commandments (or laws) given to us from the Bible: First and foremost love god, Second love your neighbor as yourself, third, do not have any gods before me, fourth you should not make wrongful use of the name of god, fifth remember the Sabbath day (and I gotta tell you not many Christians bother with this one any more) sixth honor your father and mother (no word in there about it has to be a father and mother but surprise- everyone came from some woman and some man whether those are the people who raised them) seventh no murder, eighth no adultery, ninth no stealing, tenth no lying, eleventh no coveting. (Yes the list is modified slightly- Greek Scriptures: Yo Jesus what is the most important commandment? Jesus: dude these two and one isn't on the original list) Those are the laws of the Bible that are set up. No where does it say marry only a person of the opposite gender.
3. "They can still have Civil Unions" is also a bullshit response. If you want to have a wedding and/or marriage then why would other people not want one? Marriage is something sacred and I have seen no clearer picture of that then the marriages I know between gay and lesbian couples. Everyone deserves the right to happiness and last I checked marriage is supposed to be partially built on a certain degree of happiness.
4. It ruins the sanctity of marriage. Does it really ruin it while more than the 20% of heterosexual marriages are abusive? Does it really it when the divorce rate is near 50% of all heterosexual marriages? Does it really ruin your marriage if in some other house there is another marriage? (Problem is this comes up with the complaint that promiscuity is through the roof. Shouldn't we then be wanting people to enter healthy marriages?)
5. A 52/48 majority vote doesn't mean it's a correct vote. It's not even an overwhelming vote. People in many states upheld policies of segregation based on race and you didn't see anyone saying "Oh keep that school segregated because a majority of the voters wanted it". If a majority of the voters are white and racist of course they will want segregation because they don't understand the fundamental problem with their decisions. We see now on a majority basis that this was ultimately a bigoted response. 52/48 from people who this never effects (if you are straight and against gay marriage I would like to hear how it effects you and your actions directly) is the same kind of bigoted this is the way I want it and that's the way it should be for everyone kind of bs (even worse because in segregation they were however wrongly trying to keep blacks away from their white lives. Gay marriage doesn't involve straight people other than those who love their gay lesbian bisexual and transgender friends and want to see them happy.)
6. Ever ask a kid who hasn't been trained by a homophobic person? I would say 80% of my students are fine with gay marriage being legal with probably 50% of those very devastated about the decision. One step further, so what if a three year old hears that Princes can marry other Princes? They can if gay marriage is legal and newsflash, just because they can doesn't mean that three year old is going to grow up gay or that there is a problem if he is gay. People are more likely to make the wrong recognition of their sexuality if they are in a close-minded environment than if they are free to recognize that any sexuality is fine.
7. It's discrimination. Eliminating rights, restricting people's happiness, determining what people can and cannot do because your mind is not open to the possibility that life is different for different people. It's discrimination. Let's hope America lives up to its past record and moves forward to a new day soon:
(The following is a letter from one of my friends out here. Well worth the read. Yes this is a long post but an important issue for me.
(This is something I wrote this morning. Please feel free to send it to whomever you want. ~Ryan)
Two years ago today, I married my husband. We had been dating for 5 years, and although we were young, we just "knew." We planned the wedding for almost a year. We knew we wanted a small, intimate ceremony surrounded by our family and friends. We knew that our families were both completely and utterly supportive of us.
We got married on November 5th, 2005. We held the ceremony in a gorgeous church here in Los Angeles. The wedding was officiated by a gay pastor and a lesbian rabbi, and attended by family and friends. The reception was vegetarian. It was, to put it simply, a reflection of Us.
We knew that the government did not, at the time, recognize our marriage, but that wasn't a deterrent. We were married in a church, under a Chuppah, witnessed by our families and friends, and before God. The Creator Of The Universe And All That Is, Was, And Ever Shall Be has witnessed, blessed, and consecrated our marriage--We. Are. Married. Do you think we really care whether the dumb government thinks we are married?
Mostly: No, of course not.
But in some ways: yes, of course we care.
Because the government is simply a reflection of The People. And the government does not recognize our marriage because a majority of people do not either. Of course, every day that passes, more and more people come to the realization that There Is Nothing Wrong With Being Gay. But we still have a long way to go.
I am eternally grateful for my supportive family and friends. And I know that the more that people personally know gay people, the more their opinions change. When they see what we live with, their opinions change. When they imagine themselves in our shoes, their opinions change. Because when they know us, they see what we go through. There is nothing I can say to describe the gay experience that hasn't been said before, and more eloquently, by others. But just imagine:
When you are walking down the street with your spouse, and feel the urge to hold their hand, you first have to think about Where You Are, and whether your hand-holding might result in verbal abuse or physical violence. And eventually, you grow tired of thinking about it, and decide that simply: you can't hold hands in public.
When you go to the movies with your spouse, and want to put your arm around their shoulders and cuddle, you then remember that you can't. And so you sit side by side. Like buddies at the movies.
At a romantic restaurant to celebrate a happy occasion, you see other couples holding hands over the table, and even--how wondrous!--kissing. You smile at them, and then--assuming there is a long tablecloth--continue holding hands under the table, where no one can see.
At home, when you and your spouse think about vacations you would like to take together, you realize that there are certain places you can't go. For instance: you will Never get to see the Pyramids of Egypt. The last remaining Wonder of The World is off-limits to you, because the laws of that country are such that if you went to visit, you could end up in jail, or worse.
When you are at work, and other people are talking about their spouses, you smile and nod, because you have to be careful about with whom you discuss your spouse. It might harm your career. And depending on which state you live in, you can even be fired outright for revealing Who You Really Are.
You get the idea.
And yesterday, the people of California decided that they like the world I just described.
They continue to believe that gay people are second-class citizens, worthy of nothing but derision and hatred.
But.
The vote was close. It was almost 50/50. And as sad as I am today, I am an optimist. I know that, as Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "The arc of the universe is long, but it bends toward Justice." I know that I will see equality in my lifetime.
But today is my anniversary.
And I wanted to get married.
Thanks for reading. As has been said "A threat to justice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."
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